i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
