Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im part way to drunk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
