They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
