a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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