I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
