I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
