Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
