dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
