Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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