You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
