Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
