Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
