I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
