Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will pee on everything he values.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
