remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
