fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
