sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are we still banned from the library?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
