Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize