I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
