He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
