Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
