That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
