Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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