Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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