Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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