i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
