just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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