I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
