forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
