I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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