i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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