his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
