How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
