I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
