I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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