The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
