Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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