Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
