Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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