Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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