apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
