he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My balls are so social today.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
