Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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