i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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