i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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