There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
