my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize