omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
