call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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