That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
