I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
