Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
