yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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