I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
