marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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