Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
