I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
