why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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