when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
