used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
