Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
