Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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