There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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