She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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