well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
