I can text with my tongue
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
