Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize