he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
