He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
