as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
