he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
