I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
try to milk me bitch
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