somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
