i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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