Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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