She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
