They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
