when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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