That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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