next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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