Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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